A Relational Woman of God

Few Bible passages are more intimidating than Proverbs 31.

These words seem to set an impossible standard for Christian women. Yet in a time of confusion over what it means to be a true and beautiful woman, God’s Word speaks to us clearly and directly.

This chapter paints a portrait of someone thriving in her relationships.

1) supporting her husband            

Obviously, this is a word for those who are married… The woman of Proverbs 31 brings blessing to her husband: “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” (v. 11). When a wife is a woman of God, her husband can trust her judgment and be greatly helped by her.

One such benefit is seen in verse 23, “Her husband is known in the gates, where he sits among the elders of the land.” Before we criticize him for sitting around all day, remember that gates were places for judgment; this is where Israel’s elders would rule on important matters for God’s people. Her husband sits there because of his wisdom, his fear of God. But he’s also there because he’s supported by his wife. He’s able to carry out his calling because he knows that she’s managing well at home.

That’s not something insignificant, either. Every husband can tell you that if things are unsettled at home, if home is no haven, then it’s hard to carry on the daily work without divided focus. To put that more positively, every husband needs the encouragement that his wife can provide. He needs her wise counsel. He needs her womanly perspective. He needs her to be busy in prayer for him. 

And isn’t that what God always intended a wife to do?

To be a helper for her husband (Gen 2:18), someone to assist him in every good thing. So the husband praises her in verse 29, “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” This is something for  every husband to do, to acknowledge how good it is to have found a wife of noble character: to say it to her, and to thank God for her!

2) instructing her children

The kids show up here and there in Proverbs 31. The best glimpse is verse 28. It’s powerful: “Her children rise up and call her blessed.” Children don’t always appreciate it when they’re growing up, but with time they often come to cherish their mother. For her impact endures. Certainly the food and clothing have something to do with it. But more than that, these children praise her because they’ve received her good guidance and counsel. Like in verse 26, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Mothers (and fathers) want to impart any number of good lessons to their children. To give a sense of responsibility and independence, to foster qualities like being polite and punctual, to encourage hard work and compassion. But then we remember to keep “God’s wisdom” at the top, or better, at the centre.

Teaching who God is, and how great he is. Teaching who Christ is, and what he did for sinners like us. Teaching how to pray, how to read the Word, how to worship the LORD, and how to love your neighbour.

As they grow, children need so much guidance: how to live godly lives, as they seek entertainment, as they choose a spouse and find a career, as they spend money and as they serve in church.

Because God and his Word have everything to do with this life, there are many teachable moments.

It makes for a daunting task. But few things are more important than what you say to your children by your example and by your word. That kind of instruction is indeed “a fountain of life” (10:11).

3) helping her neighbour

Daily work, whatever it is, can absorb us. Especially when you’re busy with good things, you can forget that there’s more to life than your own little circle of people. But if we fear God, then we’ll also honour God’s priorities. In Scripture, we notice that the poor and suffering are close to God’s heart. So the Proverbs 31 woman does this: “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out hands to the needy” (v. 20).

Her concerns are wider than her own family.

There’s still a calling here for us. Jesus said that the poor will always be with us, in our churches and in our communities. There will always be those who are needy: needful of a visit over coffee, or needful of kind words, or needful of our earnest prayers. It’s the nature of this world: that people run stuck, lose their jobs, make mistakes, or find themselves suddenly alone. Then Christ’s people have work to do. To find the needy, we don’t have far to look. And to serve them, we should open our arms and reach out our hands.

4) fearing her God

Time for one last relationship. We’ve been considering it all along: the woman of wisdom fears her God. More than anything, she wants to grow in love for him. And fearing God changes not just a woman’s behaviour, but her disposition.

I’ll highlight one more aspect of this, that she trusts in God. That comes out wonderfully in verse 25, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” That’s a lot harder than it sounds. Try to look ahead a week, or two weeks, or six months—maybe two or ten years. How do you feel about the future? Maybe anxiety over money, over relations with your family, about how the kids will do in school and who’ll they marry?

There can be no end to the worries about tomorrow. But this woman looks at the future and laughs. Not irresponsibly or naively, but it’s because she knows her God, and she fears him! She knows that God is faithful. He is almighty and He is the king of everything, great and small. So she’s not worried about the winter weather, or about the invasions of the Philistines, nor even about the rising prices of wool and flax. 

Today, we don’t need to be overwhelmed by everything that might go wrong.

Because we’re more impressed with God’s glory, and everything that He can make right. This gives our whole life a foundation that can’t be shaken, even when heartache comes, stress multiplies, or illness strikes.

You’re not worried, because you know your God, the one who’s become your Father in Christ. You’re not worried, because you fear this God and marvel at his greatness. You laugh at the days to come. You laugh, because you’re clothed with his strength.

Conclusion: Mirror, Mirror

In the first chapter of his letter, James compares God’s law to a mirror. When we gaze into the Word and consider our reflection, we see what we’re really like. We see our finer points, also our warts and blemishes.

So reading Proverbs 31, that’s the question: How do you measure up? What do we see in the mirror?

I want to ask that question carefully. “Mom guilt” is real—and other forms of false guilt are real! You can feel like you don’t measure up because you don’t bake your own sourdough bread, and you don’t have a side hustle, and your kids aren’t in music lessons and school sports and computer coding workshops. That’s not the intent of this chapter, to lay down a burden of guilt.

So what is the intent of this chapter? It is to teach this central point: as a woman in Jesus Christ, the greatest treasure that you have is how you get to be in relationship with the God of glory. In Christ, we have great value and untold worth, because He’s paid his precious blood to cover all our sins to make us his own. And the greatest honour is that He now calls us to serve him with our life.

Being in relationship with God means we can also seek his help for the work that remains: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously and to all without finding fault” (James 1:5).

And finally, don’t lose sight of your reward. Paul urges, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Gal 6:9).

Or if you are weary, go to Christ to find rest. For He tells you that all your labours, your efforts, struggles and successes—they have a purpose. They’re not for you. They’re for the glory of the God who loves you, and who calls you to love him too!